How to Deal with Jealousy
Your alarm goes off, and after hitting snooze a couple of times you finally decide it’s time to get up. You meant to get up earlier and do your morning routine but the bed was too warm and comfy… maybe tomorrow. You grab your phone to scroll for a minute to help you “wake up” and right when you open it she’s the first person you see…
“Ugh great…” you think to yourself as you tap through her story documenting her morning workout, her meditation routine, and finally drinking her green smoothie before she heads to her dream job. She looks healthy and happy and it makes you feel totally deflated.
You quickly shake that off and keep scrolling. It only takes a few seconds until you get to the post that stops you dead in your tracks. It’s of someone you know - and actually like - and she just bought her dream home. Deep down you want to be happy for her. After all she’s really great, but you can’t stop thinking about how everything just seems so easy for her. It all just seems to work out for her. ALL. THE. TIME.
Does this sound familiar to you? Maybe you’re experiencing jealousy right now because…
Her business is thriving while you’re working constantly and are still struggling to succeed.
She just bought her dream home and suddenly your two bedroom rental feels drab.
She just got a book deal and you’re pretty sure your mom is the only one who reads your blog.
She is pregnant with her third and you’re hoping and praying for your first.
You can’t help but think to yourself, “Why can’t things just work out for me like that?!”
Consciously you KNOW the grass isn’t always greener. But what if that wasn’t the point of jealousy?
I don’t know anyone who actually likes feeling jealous. Jealousy is a low-vibe, negative emotion and the biggest problem with it is that it prevents us from showing up as our full authentic selves. And when we don’t show up fully it’s difficult to pursue our unique purpose. It’s also viewed as an pretty unbecoming trait making it difficult to admit to.
Often when people feel jealous they enter a spiral of feeling guilty for being jealous, and instead of sitting with that very real emotion they shove it down and try to “think positive.” Maybe you even say a little prayer for her or compliment her success - look at you now, so evolved you can feel the green draining right out of you. For now.
“BE GRATEFUL.“
“No one’s life is perfect.”
“You probably wouldn’t want to trade problems if you knew everything.”
That seems to be a lot of advice given around the topic of jealousy. While I very much love having a gratitude practice, there is so much more to learn from our jealousy if we allow ourselves to actually FEEL and EXPLORE it.
What if, instead of being ashamed of your jealousy you embraced it with curiosity and asked it what it was trying to show you?
Every emotion has a purpose. Anger, Happiness, Sadness, Joy, and even Jealousy. Our emotions are data, communicating to us when a need is or isn’t being met.
And we do ourselves a massive disservice when we don’t look at the root of those emotions. Which is why I’m not going to tell you to just go make a gratitude list and send you on your way.
The next time jealousy raises it’s head in your life, welcome it in with a sense of openness and curiosity, and take it through the following steps so you can actually take care of the root issue instead of merely treating the side effect.
So first things first, DIVE INTO that uncomfortable emotion. Next time that happens - or if you can think of a specific example right now, take some time and lean into what it’s trying to tell you by taking it through these 7 questions:
Who and/or what am I jealous of specifically?
What about this specific person or situation really makes me jealous?
What do I want or need more of in my life that this person seems to have in abundance?
Why do I want or need more of that in my life?
What belief do I have about my ability to have or experience that in my life?
Are there any feelings of undeserving or lack of worth around this topic?
How can I show up for myself today and add in a little of what I want more of into my life?
Most of the time jealousy is trying to show us something that we want more of in our life, and there’s a limiting belief about it that needs our attention.
If you’re jealous of someone who doesn’t have to work, but you love your job, maybe you need more time to rest and play.
The limiting belief attached to this could be: “In order to be successful I have to work constantly so I don’t have time to rest and play.”
If you’re jealous of someone who just bought their dream home, maybe you need to take time and effort to make your current environment more enjoyable.
The limiting belief attached to this could be: “If I make my current home more enjoyable I’ll never leave and will be stuck here forever.” OR “I’ll never be able to afford my dream home.”
If you’re jealous of someone else’s success, maybe you need to show up more consistently and get out of your comfort zone so you can grow.
The limiting belief attached to this could be: “She’s better/prettier/more outgoing than me so I might as well not try to show up fully.”
If you’re jealous of someone else’s morning routine, maybe you need to experiment with ways you can start the day off right.
The limiting belief attached to this could be: “I’m just not a morning person and I can’t get up early.”
Then - and here's the important part - once you get clear on what you want more of and the limiting belief that’s in your subconscious, you can start to do the work to transform your mindset and actually meet your needs and bring that dream you have for your life to fruition.
When you believe that there’s an abundance available to you you start to understand that when someone has or is doing something you really want it’s proof that you can have it and do it too.
When you believe you’re worthy and deserving of having that need met, and you’re focused on creating that for yourself, your subconscious will show you proof that it’s possible. And then when you see someone else embodying what you want - it should make you excited because that means you’re bringing that to life for yourself too.
When you KNOW what you want for your life and you BELIEVE you’re worthy of it, seeing other people who have what you want is just proof that it’s possible for you too.
And it’s from that energy that you start to show up for yourself, your dreams, and your purpose. And that brings more fulfillment and success.
Don’t be afraid of your emotions (positive or negative). Let them teach you so you can meet your needs and start living YOUR best life as a result. Your dreams are possible. When you believe that and start showing up fully you’ll live that belief out daily. Before you know it, the things you’re dreaming about will come to fruition and you’ll find yourself full of gratitude, faith, and fulfillment.
